Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
