mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
