Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
