she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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