after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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