I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are we still banned from the library?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
