margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
