Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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