I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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