just tell him i said nine months
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
