Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
