I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
