wanna go halves on a baby?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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