just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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