New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
