4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
