How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
