yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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