Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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