She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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