you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
