You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he thought i was a dude.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
