Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
