I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
