pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
