i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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