im holly from the hills drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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