yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
