a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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