Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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