theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
