i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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