I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize