shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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