Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
