he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
