don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize