If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
