guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
