My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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