Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
