so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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