I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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