My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
