Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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