i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
