We're like a lot better than the average bears
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
