you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
