your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
