I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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