I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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