She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't notice because vodka
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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