Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
