After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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