don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
