the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize