grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You are a genius and a whore.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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