Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
only you would photoshop your dick
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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