so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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