She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
