It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
