i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
