Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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