I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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