After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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