bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
