is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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