i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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