Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize