He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so that wasnt chicken after all
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
