i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
