Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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