where am i from again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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