idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
