puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
