Soap is not a condiment
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
