I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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