Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize